One Year Sober! An Extremely Unofficial Guide to My (Anti-)Program

My sober date is September 23rd, which, coincidentally, is also my middle brother’s birthday. Zach has always been my harshest critic. On Christmas Day, 2012, Zach staged an informal intervention in our Chicago living room after a particularly brutal Christmas Eve, during which I drank a bottle of champagne and told Luke’s Japanese teacher my life story in explicit…

If You’re Crazy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands!

I will never again read a book about mental illness by someone who doesn’t suffer from it. Yesterday morning, I found my mother’s copy of a book on borderline personality disorder that I’ve long resisted reading because of its name: I Hate You — Don’t Leave Me. I decided to peruse a few chapters, hoping they might shed…

What We Talk About When We Talk About Abuse: (You’re Guilty, Too)

It’s been a bad two weeks. Two of the worst weeks of my life, honestly. But I wouldn’t take back anything that’s happened. It’s changed me. I can feel it. Here’s my truth: I know I’ve been a shitty person. I’ve been an emotional bulldozer. I’ve been a train wreck. I’ve been jealous, manipulative, selfish, impulsive, and careless….

Tramp Stamps and Pillow Sex: A Master List of Things I’m Ashamed Of

Hello. I wrote a public list of every single thing I am ashamed of.

Hurray! How uncomfortable!

This is one of the more brutal things I have posted about myself on the Internet (it keeps getting worse!) If you struggle with shame, you might find it useful. You’ll at least walk away feeling less alone. Or you’ll just think I’m fucking crazy. (What’s new, asshole?)

Let’s get vulnerable, baby.

Stop Rocking My Shame Boat: Women, Shame, and Sexuality

A few months ago, a friend suggested that I write something about shame. I’ve resisted doing so until now because a.) shame is an enormous topic b.) it sucks and c.) it permeates pretty much every facet of my life, so WHERE WOULD I EVEN BEGIN???!!! (Caps aren’t appropriate for professional writing, Leif.) (Fuck you,…

Big Mouth is now available in print!

Big Mouth is now in zine form! Each zine will include essays, articles, memoir, song lyrics, and poetry revolving around a specific topic. The first, of course, is sex. Want one? Fill out the form below and include your address in the comments box. I’ll reply with my PayPal link. Option 2: You can go directly…

How 12-Step Programs Perpetuate Rape Culture

As most of you know, I no longer attend 12-step meetings. When I first told people I was backing away, I made a conscious effort to not offend anyone or talk shit on the program. Okay, well, I’m done doing that. Toxic people and systems encourage the kind of fear I’ve been sitting with — the…